Anyone that follows us, or anyone that has spent more than 30 consecutive minutes with us, should already know that we follow a unique lifestyle. This lifestyle requires rigid adherence to a strict schedule that induces gains of epic proportions. This lifestyle is known as the 3:30 Burrito!
What are you doing today at 3:30? “Easy, same thing we do every day Pinky – eating a burrito”
This movement started during the summer of 2012 while scouring the ends of the Earth for the perfect food and the perfect timing to consume this food. After minutes of endless research, it was settled – a burrito at precisely 3:30 was the exact food to help every human being on the planet achieve their lofty physical goals.
The Goal, The Plan
Like many, you need to get bigger! Size drives strength, and you need the added mass to achieve your hefty goals. So, what do you? Simple, 3:30pm – eat a burrito. 3:30am – quick, wake up, consume said burrito, go back to sleep. The rest of the day consume your normal number of calories. The added calories will pile on pounds of pure, sexy, weight-pushing girth to your frame.
You’re bigger than your ideal self. Maybe you are more competitive at a lower weight class. So, what do you do? Do you starve yourself? Do hours of mindless cardio? Shove your finger down your throat? No, you’re not a model – you are a person, and people are fed best by one thing – burritos! Now, what are you doing at 3:30pm? You’ve got it, eating a burrito! However, it is not a full burrito, show some restraint, you are trying to slim down! You’ve got it – ½ burrito. Save the other half for tomorrow afternoon. 3:30am, you better not be eating fatty, sleep and recover! The ½ burrito pushed into your pie hole at 3:30pm will satiate you just enough to make wise choices for dinner. Knowing that another ½ of a burrito awaits you in less than 24 hours keeps all dieting tolerable.
You have it all. The body weight and body composition you have always wanted. How does one maintain such a figure – you’ve got it! 3:30pm full burrito! 3:30am – no burrito, sleep and dream about what awaits you tomorrow afternoon. The rest of the day eat as you normally do. The beauty is in the simplicity. There is no need to complicate your life more than it already is. Let your nutrition take care of itself and consume a burrito daily at 3:30. You will be surprised how this frees up your decision-making capabilities to focus on what truly matters – squatting.
Q: Why 3:30? Is it all about timing?
A: It’s all about timing.
Q: I am cutting weight. Can I give my other half of a burrito to a friend?
A: If you can score another ½ burrito at 3:30pm tomorrow, then yes. If not, no. You must strictly adhere to the plan.
Q: What should I be eating the rest of the day?
A: Eat as you normally do.
Q: Why a burrito?
A: The average burrito is the perfect blend of carbohydrates, antioxidants and proteins to help you reach your physical goals.
Q: Is this plan good for mental health?
A: Absolutely! One cannot be in a bad state of mind while eating a burrito!
Q: Does it matter what kind of burrito?
A: Yes and no. Obviously some burritos are better than others. They are not created equal. With that said, even a frozen burrito is better than no burrito.
Q: Does a burrito bowl count?
A: Does my aunt have balls? No, she does not. Burritos are wrapped in a wonderful, warm and loving tortilla of happiness, not sloppily thrown together in an inedible container of human wizardry.
Q: Are you a doctor?
A: Not anymore.